Grief Is An Elephant, written by Tamara Ellis Smith and illustrated by Nancy Whitesides. Chronicle, Raincoast. 2023. $24.99 ages 5 and up

 

Still grief always comes back. 
                    Only now - 

            she's a deer. 

Walk away slowly.
              Backward. 
                        Shhhh."               

Grief is experienced in many different ways. It can start out feeling as heavy as an elephant. It would not feel that way unless there was much love; the loss feels unbearable in the beginning. Together we learn that our many memories hold loved ones in our hearts forever. 

For kids, it is very hard to understand as they experience the loss of a loved one. It feels impossible to breathe when the weight of it is compared to the weight of an elephant. No matter what you do, grief remains in those early days. The child in this quiet book tries to get away from it; it comes back in another form. The next time it might be lighter, and sometimes pushed to the back of your mind. It will return, perhaps softer and easier to bear. 

Showing grief as an elephant, a deer, a fox, a mouse and a firefly show the slowing trajectory of the impact grief has and helps children who read this book put words to their emotions as they deal with loss. Each one helps to ease the hurt with their presence, little by little. A curious mouse provides a listening ear. 

"Sit quietly with her.
Then, when you're ready,  
                  talk to her. 

Tell her you sometimes
                  trumpet to the sky. 

Tell her you sometimes 
                  bound and bay and squeak. 

Tell her most days, though, 
                  you feel small, like her."

These uncomplicated explanations provide calm in the face of the storm of grief that surrounds the child. Nancy Whitesides matches the soothing tone with equally calm watercolor artwork that offers peaceful places and the warmth of friendship as days go by.