They couldn't help me.
They couldn't stop kids from picking on me.
They couldn't make me more interested in
stuff boys were supposed to like.
And they definitely couldn't bring my
mom back."
In this memoir, that is also a poignant graphic novel chronicling his year in seventh grade, Damian Alexander offers numerous looks back to earlier times in his life. After a lot of bullying at his former school, he decides he would prefer to be invisible at his new school. To that end, he chooses not to speak. In that way, he is not likely to make any impression or give anyone occasion to bully him.
At home, he speaks to his grandmother and his older brother, and tells them little about his school life. At school, he speaks to no one even though a few pay interested attention to him. In the flashbacks, he remembers having friends (mostly girls) until the fourth grade when they decided they should not be spending time with boys. His male friends were those who shared his interest in video games. He knew he was different from them, as he had often been criticized for liking 'girl things'. He certainly didn't talk about his mother who had been murdered when he was very young.
Choosing not to talk at school results in his being put in a special class as no one knows his academic abilities. He is also required to see a therapist who works there. His growing awareness of an interest in other boys makes talking even more difficult. Growing trust in his therapist finally allows him to share his feelings with her. Her reaction makes all the difference for a confused young man.
"I think ...
I LIKE-like boys.
Like, crush like.
Like how most
boys LIKE girls.
Oh?
Do you mean, like ...
you're gay?
There was something about the
way that she said it.
Not a bad thing.
Just a thing.
A matter of fact."
Having someone to talk to about all of it feels good.
Powerful, honest and emotional, this debut novel will find fans in those who feel different, who question their own identity, and who are bullied. An author's note offers more heartbreaking details and explains how this graphic novel came to be. It also offers hope for those who might be dealing with some of the same trauma.
"Eventually, I did speak and make friends. But it wasn't until I was well into high school. I learned later that I had C-PTSD, or complex post-traumatic stress disorder, not only because of the death of my mother, but because of the homophobic bullying I faced growing up."
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